First things first, I am very sorry that you have come to this post at all. Breakups are one of the hardest things in life to go through outside of actual loss/death of a loved one. I am in no way an expert in emotions, dating, or anything like that, but I have been told that I give great advice when it comes to dating and breakups. If I can help even one person with this post than I am happy to write this. If only I could follow my own advice, that would be grrrreaaattt… but I digress ha!
There are a few ways you find yourself dealing with a breakup, either you ended things, the other person ended things, or you came to a mutual agreement. I’ve been through all three at one point or another. They are all equally difficult in their own ways.
What to do right after the breakup:
You are going through real physical and emotional pain. In my opinion, this time right after the breakup is best spent alone.
Cry, scream, laugh, or do whatever it is you need to do to fully feel everything you are feeling. The only way through is to feel your way through it. If you don’t feel it all and move past it, then you are just burying it and never moving on from it. It will manifest itself in future relationships and in your daily life. It hurts, but it’s better now than later.
Block their number and either block, unfollow, or mute them on social media at least for the time being. You don’t need to see what they’re highlight reel at the moment. It will just have you thinking they’re over it faster than they are and make you feel bad about healing at your own pace. Do not text them, it will only make matters worse. Trust the process.
Once you’ve gone through the initial mourning, then it’s time to call in your reinforcements. For me, that’s my best girlfriends. Call you tribe and if they’re like mine, they will drop anything they’re doing and come over.
What to do once you’ve initially mourned:
Prioritize yourself and what makes you happy then fill your calendar with it
Keep feeling through any emotions that come up, really feel them
Whenever it gets hard and you are tempted to reach out or go back, remember whatever red flags you ignored or why it wouldn’t have worked
Always move forward. You left them or they left for a reason and it wasn’t a decision made lightly. Don’t go back. The relationship won’t ever be the same and it’s almost 100% likely the same issues will be repeated. Again, trust the process.
Figure out what this relationship taught you and learn from it. Forgive yourself and work on yourself. Take those lessons into your future relationships, but don’t take your past traumas and fears into the next relationship. The next person didn’t hurt you, don’t project your issues onto them. Heal first.
Some helpful resources that I have found and used personally:
Remember you are so loved. Even though this is the end of chapter, it happened for a reason. You may not know that reason right now, and that’s okay. Life has something better waiting for you, I promise. Even when things felt as bleak as can be and when thoughts like “I would never find someone as well suited for me as XYZ was” would run through my head, I would always found someone better suited for me, every single time. There is somebody for everybody. I would rather be alone and wait for Mr. Right then be turning him down because I’m with Mr. Wrong, you feel me sis?
I hope you have found this helpful. Be sure to sound off in the comments if you have any other suggestions or processes that worked well for you.